Patience

My boys get their lack of patience honest.  I am constantly multitasking because I can't stand the thought of being idle.  Even now, while waiting for pictures to load, another browser was open so I could check my email and the latest facebook updates.

The pictures of the boys were taken before and seem like a lifetime ago.   The events of last week are all very fresh in my mind and take place after.  After the world was no longer the same due to the realization that our time together is unknown, limited and so fragile.

I'm doing what I expect anyone who has lost a friend would do.  I squeeze Jeremy and the boys a little tighter and tell them I love them more often.  I check on Carolyn and the kids a few times a day. (I've made her promise if she gets sick of seeing me pop in the front door to not be bashful and just kick me out.)  I remember telling the priest last Saturday night that I just didn't know what to say.  Turns out that I don't have to say a lot.  She talks about what she is feeling at the moment while I listen, offer support and another hug.

Ben is still understandably asking questions every now and then.  When we went to the visitation on Wednesday I told him that we were going to pray for Mister Curt.  He asked if we were going to Heaven.  When we went to the funeral the following afternoon, he wondered if Gary, our neighbors dog who passed away in the spring, would be in the dog room in Heaven. 

Some days have been easier than others and there are still times when it seems nothing will ever take away the pain.  A friend has reminded me to be patient with myself and the process of healing.  I'm going to try to take her advice as things slowly return to a sense of a new normal.

I have read the book "No One Cries the Wrong Way: Seeing God Through Tears",written by Father Joe Kempf, our priest from O'Fallon MO.  It has helped to restore my faith which was admittedly shaken.  I think it would be impossible to get through something like this without it.

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."- Thornton Wilder